Pastor Mike leaned forward and said, “I’m sure you all want to know how Kathleen is doing after she was admitted to the hospital. Let me tell you.”
Kathleen helped out in the junior Sabbath school, and her husband was an alcoholic. Her admission must have had something to do with him. Now I would get the truth and be able to pray purposefully for poor Kathleen. The congregation was silent. He had our full attention.
Why We Listen to Gossip
Gossip can be so titillating that it’s almost impossible to keep it to oneself, particularly if it’s ripe for passing on to a thirsty friend. The Bible, however, has much to say about how wrong it is to gossip, and we should not permit ourselves to indulge in this behavior.
Gossip is entertaining, but stopping the tale once it has started can be well-nigh impossible. Being in on the latest tidbit of information may cause us to develop an appetite for more gossip at a later date and result in an artificial relationship developing between us and the talebearer that will not withstand the slightest breeze of truth and loyalty, as should a real friendship. At times the gossiper may intentionally expand the truth, causing more hurt feelings, anger, and unpleasant consequences for the person being gossiped about. This type of intentional scandal mongering is harmful, selfish, and slanderous.
Gossip may be intended to make the gossipers feel better about themselves as they repeat a tidbit that they project as being something they would never do, unlike the unfortunate person in their story. Details sometimes are added inadvertently to the story, so that what started out as a simple piece of information is now unimaginably spectacular and no longer resembles the original facts.
Our Example, Jesus Christ
Jesus did not gossip. While knowing the sins of the Pharisees who were ready to stone the woman caught in adultery, He only wrote them in the dust. The culprits knew which sins were theirs, but the bystanders did not (John 8:1-11). At the Last Supper Jesus refused to name the disciple who was to betray Him, and the disciples didn’t understand the message that passed between Judas and Jesus (John 13:21-30). Later Peter boldly enquired as to what would happen to John. Jesus replied, “If it should be my will that he wait until I come, what is it to you? Follow me” (John 21:22).* In other words: “That is none of your business, Peter. Just follow Me.”
The wisdom of James hits hard, not on the tattler, but on the Christian: “A man may think he is religious, but if he has no control over his tongue, he is deceiving himself; that man’s religion is futile” (James 1:26). Ouch!
Satan, the originator of lies, spread gossip about God throughout heaven (Isa. 14:12-14; Eze. 28:14-17). This resulted in one third of the angels siding with him against the Father and being banished to the earth, where he continued spreading lies about God. Because God is truth, however (John 1:14), He would not use lies to convince Satan and the other angels in heaven, and neither will He today.
Identifying Triggers
Some triggers should instantly set off warning bells inside our minds. If an account contains a person’s name or applies to a group of people of whom none is present, or if the story is about their private life or sounds negative, hurtful, or untruthful, we should become alert. We should ask ourselves if the speaker appears to be showing genuine concern for the person or people named in the conversation, and question ourselves as to whether the information is necessary for us to know. Is what is being shared our business, and does the information help the person being talked about?
Paul gives a clear list of the standards we should apply to our conversations (Eph. 4:29, 32; Phil. 4:8). Are they good, helpful to the occasion, free of spite, tenderhearted, true, noble, just, pure, gracious, and admirable? And are they our business? (1 Thess. 4:11).
The intent of the gossiper is also important. Are his or her words for the good of the person who is being spoken of? Warning signals of a different kind should be alerted when a comment such as “I don’t know what to do” is delivered to you by your distressed colleague in the quiet of your office. “She said she was going to kill herself, because her boyfriend dumped her last night.” This conversation might sound like gossip—it’s attention-catching—but the person is not belittling her friend, and she has no hidden agenda. She’s relaying her friend’s cry for help and seeking counsel. Immediate follow-up is called for because passing this off as gossip might result in a catastrophic outcome.
As Christians we should never let our guard down, because what may start as a simple, sincere statement of concern about someone can, within the same breath, take an unintentional nosedive into gossip. “I saw Sally in her new VW Beetle at the grocery store yesterday” is an innocent statement; however, by adding, “I wonder how she bought it; her husband lost his job more than three months ago,” launches the observation into a new direction. Stop. Think. What has happened?
E-gossip and Pocket Gossip Cut Thinking Time
Undoubtedly Paul would have warned us about e-gossip and pocket gossip, gossip that uses any medium that fits into the pocket, such as a cell phone or Blackberry, and includes text messaging, twittering, blogging, and personal e-mails. E-gossip cuts the thinking time to consider our words and can be accessed almost anytime, anywhere. Suddenly, before we know it, we have pressed “send,” and our words are set loose to travel the world instead of just over the garden fence. Like the tiny rudder that changes the direction of a huge ship, our minds, through our tongues (and fingers), can unleash consequences that cannot be annihilated. James also likens the tongue to that one spark that starts an uncontrollable forest fire (James 3:4-9). That uncontrolled tongue (or fingers) will result in our being categorized by Paul with murderers (Rom. 1:28-32). God recognized the seriousness of gossiping when He included “You shall not give false evidence” in the Ten Commandments (Ex. 20:16). God obviously takes gossiping very seriously, and so should we.
Despite the difficulty we face controlling our tendency to gossip, we should take courage. This is not a hopeless situation. In our own power we cannot control our tongues (or fingers), but when we’re connected with the source of power, Jesus Christ, all things are possible. We can have victory over gossiping (Phil. 4:13).
Take Action Right Away
A Jewish proverb says, “What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t witness with your mouth.” We do, however, have a responsibility to speak up against gossiping as soon as we hear or see triggers. We should enter the conversation with a short, clearly expressed sentence such as “I’m uncomfortable talking about Susan when she isn’t here” or “I don’t think this information should be discussed here.” This will stop tattlers in mid-?sentence, and if more than one person is listening or reading, it gives others time to excuse themselves from the conversation and allows tattlers to rethink their position. They might have inadvertently slipped into gossip, and your comment could strike home. Whatever the outcome, we need to take a stand for right tactfully and with love: love for the person being talked about as well as for the person tattling. Unfortunately, whatever we say or write may be construed as interfering, making us unlikely to win a popularity contest. Conversely, our example might empower others to act wisely in the future.
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Bible Texts Referring to Gossip Psalm 101:5 |
With a break in the conversation it may be possible to turn around a “juicy piece of gossip” and prevent it having a negative impact. “Don has often helped us out when we have had car trouble” might diffuse the negative implications implied about his helping a divorced church member with her car. Or “Yvonne walks every day; she has a great figure,” might distract tattlers from further negative comments about the cute clothes Yvonne wears. The gossip may have been intended to downgrade Yvonne’s healthful lifestyle to make the tattler feel better about her excess poundage. The redirection may also provide an opportunity to have a private discussion with the gossiper at a more convenient time.
Should we realize we have gossiped, it’s important that we immediately go to the person privately and apologize for our actions, asking for his or her forgiveness. We should also try to repair the damage, and our actions will show our sincerity.
Pastor Mike had piqued my attention with his opening comments. He smiled congenially and said to the congregation, “I thought this would get your interest. Gossip always grabs our attention. That is why we should be prepared to take action when we hear the first inkling of gossip.”
There was a titter of laughter. We had been undeniably caught.
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* Texts in this article are from The New English Bible. © The Delegates of the Oxford University Press and the Syndics of the Cambridge University Press 1961, 1970. Reprinted by permission.
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Tabitha Abel is a nurse and part-time college professor living in rural Oregon. This article was published October 20, 2011.
