GOD, HELP ME PLEASE! I CAN’T take this anymore! Won’t You deliver me from this loneliness and stress?
Tears flowed down my cheeks as I drove through the darkness on my way to work. Night after night sadness overwhelmed me as I left my sons to go to my nursing job.
Years before I had been divorced from an unhappy marriage. Now I faced daily challenges as a single mother of adolescent boys who desperately needed a positive male role model. Especially difficult for me was the education of my older child, born with attention deficit disorder and learning disabilities.
It hadn’t helped that I had lost my mother to cancer recently, in spite of all my prayers and belief that God would heal her. We had been so close, and she had helped me cope with my boys. Now I was even more alone.
I went to church and people were friendly enough. But when I saw the intact families, the couples holding hands, praying together and loving each other, my loneliness only increased. The contrast between them and my own situation was so severe.
In my job as a nurse in the newborn nursery, night by night I saw the same thing: happy families rejoicing in their new babies. But I went home to two boys who needed so much the love of a dad who was involved in his own life and lived miles away. How could I rejoice under these circumstances?
A Plan of Action
It wasn’t usual for me to feel depressed, but more than a few days went by and nothing lifted the dark cloud from my spirit. I knew intellectually that God loved me and had answers to all my problems, but I felt He had let me down and ignored my prayers for a mate to assist me with my boys. None of my suitors were acceptable either as companions or as positive male role models for my boys. One day I finally admitted to a friend I was angry with God.
She reacted in shock, saying, “You shouldn’t talk like that.”
“But He knows it anyway,” I replied. “He knows everything.”
During my struggles I listened to a favorite Christian radio program as I drove home in the mornings. The speaker one morning discussed Abraham’s life, how God tested him, and how he waited so many years for his son Isaac’s birth. He quoted from Phillip Yancey’s book Disappointment With God. The book title and the quotations the speaker read spoke to my heart. I felt the book was just what I was looking for, and I wrote down the ordering information. I just knew it would help solve my problems; I couldn’t wait for it to arrive.
However, I neglected to notice that delivery would take four to six weeks. Still, I began to watch in the mail for the arrival of this book. Days went by and no book came.
My sadness had not been relieved, but my poor witness began to bother my conscience. What must people think of God if I could not be positive or joyful? How could I bring my boys to Jesus if I didn’t even think He was fair?
Back to the Book
I had been searching my Bible for answers, and it occurred to me one morning that I could memorize Scripture while I waited for Yancey’s book. I decided on Psalm 34.
The first verse instantly captured my imagination: “I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.” The very first verse was both a rebuke and a challenge. I knew I needed that.
So as I waited for Yancey’s book to arrive, week by week I worked on memorizing Psalm 34. After a few weeks I almost had it down.
Not long after, on a nice sunny day, as I stood in the hall outside my bedroom I had a sudden realization: no longer was I sad or depressed. I was able to rejoice in the Lord. Nothing in my life had changed, yet everything had changed. I was still a single parent, still dealing with rebellious teens, and still working nights. But now I could praise God and realize His love for me even in my difficult circumstances. Jesus was all I really needed, and I thanked Him for showing me that truth.
The very next day the book arrived in the mail!
I read the book and was blessed by it. But I couldn’t help laughing out loud as I saw God’s timing and imagined what fun He must have had waiting for me to learn my lesson.
Ultimately my life was changed most dramatically by focusing on God through His Word and praising Him.
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Shirley Jean Richter, now married, lives in Riverdale, Iowa, where she works as a neonatal nurse and gives health and Bible studies.
